Killua sells chocolates with ya boi
by randylahey5446
Summary: Another shit post but it's Killua selling chocolates and shit hits the fan real quick.


It was a bright and sunny day, and Killua had a shit ton of chocolate to sell for his school fundraiser. Killua was usually shy when dealing with strangers, so he brought his boyfriend along to help him out.

"I'm so glad you came with me," said Killua, giving off a bright and appreciative aura.

"No problem boo," his bae responded, with his dark caramel eyes staring back at him.

"I love you babe,"

"I love you too," Killua blushed, grasping chocolates with one hand and holding his chest on the other. The two approached the door as Killua's heart started to pound mercilessly. "...well, here we go," Killua said ringing the door bell.

"Uh, hello?"

"Hello, my name is Killua Zoldack and I'm from (insert whatever fucking college you want you fucking anti-feminist xenophobe), and we are trying to sell chocolates to raise money for our school's new basket ball program,"

"Oh nice! What position you play,"

"Point guard,"

"You must be pretty good,"

"Yeah, but I'm not starting though,"

"Ah you don't have to be so shy, being a point guard at the college level still requires plenty of athleticism and talent,"

"Yeah thanks! Well I'm a secondary, but the school has ranked high in the region for the last couple of years. It's just weird because I used to start in high school an-,"

"WAIT A MINUTE?! IS THAT DANNY DE VITO?!" The man asked, pointing at Killua's boyfriend.

"You bet your ass," Danny De Vito smiled, shaking his hand.

"Holy shit kid, you're friends with Danny De Vito?!"

"Not just friends, but-," Killua interrupted himself, kissing the living meme on the lips. "More than that," Killua raised his eyebrows.

"No fucking way! Who wants to talk about sports when you have DANNY, FUCKING, DE VITO!"

"Hahaha, yeah, the memes," Killua looked off sadly, changing his smile to a half smile.

 _The hugs, the kisses, the really great sex, it was all for the memes..._ Killua thought to himself.

 _Wait, does second base count as really great sex?_ he asked himself, because he still had a brain of an overly desperate high schooler who yearns for sexual experience instead of going to a therapist to get his/her life problems sorted out.

"Yeah, you were amazing in L.A. confidential, and of course Always Sunny. Me and my friends were obsessed with that show throughout college,"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah haha. I got to admit I'm a bit flustered right now since it's so long since I watched your sho-,"

"Nah man, don't worry about it," Danny De Vito gestured his arms. "I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my work, it always brightens up my day when I come across someone appreciates what I do,"

"Yeah of course! So before I ask to take a picture with you, what were you selling?" he asked them, as Killua was staring off into space.

"Hey kid! The man's talking to us!"

"Huh?"

"Hahaha, aren't you guys adorable?"

"Ahhh, excuse me for my bae, he's still awkward from high school, can we re-do our introduction?"

"You mean I close the door, you knock, I open it and greet you guys again like I never saw you before?"

"Yep!" exclaimed Mantis Tobogin, as the two men laughed. "Well, here goes nothing," the man said closing the door.

Then there came a knock.

"Goood afternoon sir! Can you interest you in some, _chocolate_ ," Killua said, seductively holding a chocolate bar to the mans face.

"Chocolate?...did you say, c _hocolate?!"_

"Yes sir! With, or without nuts?" Danny De Vito swooned, holding out some chocolate with nuts.

"chocolate... ** _Chocolate?! Chocolate?!"_** The man yelled, losing his sanity .

" _ **CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOOOOOOOOCOCLLLLAATEEEEE!"**_

Before the two could leave, they heard another voice in the background. He said something really offensive, something along the lines of "LET THE BEAT DROP LIKE OLD PEOPLE WITH POLI!" and started freestyling

 _"Bitches can't handle my shit_

 _They get really excited when they see my di-"_

"NOT IN FRONT OF MY BOYFRIEND!" Danny De Vito yelled, putting his hands around Killua's ears. But Killua knew who it was..

"Mr. Magic Man," Killua whispered, as Middle Eastern music started to play in the background.

"...I haven't seen you since the cold war my friend,"

"Yep! Ever since they took down the wall, NOW IT'S TIMELINE AND IT SUCKS!"

...anyway, Gon popped out of nowhere and became apart of the story.

"Killua?"

"Gon?!"

"DANNY DE VITO?!" Gon yelled because he was a huge fan of Danny De Vito and who gives a shit about Killlua at this point.

"Holy shit! You were amazing in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!"

"I was in that?"

"Yeah, you were the retarded one, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember!" he responded, scratching his magnum dong.

The Shrek came along, got everybody high on crystal meth, and everybody had a really good time!

And Danny DeVito broke up with Killua and banged Shrek.


End file.
